Our cycling and Civil Defence correspondent, General Sir Frederick (”Tiger”) Nidgett, writes as follows:

The summer offensive continues. Garish hordes of gore-tex Visigoths and spandex Vandals will be blocking traffic and intimidating pets and pedestrians as they drive an aesthetic assault along the Clappers Lane salient, The Street, and Edburton Road on the evening of Sunday 15th July, between 20:00 and 21:30. An MTB patrol from Fulking Home Guard will be out earlier in the day to set cycle traps, install temporary misdirection signage, and leave a crate of complimentary nitrite-enhanced rehydration packs beside the pump house.